Today’s Healthy Teen Tips Friday welcomes Author Ellie James who has some amazing advice to share about taking control of your life simply by “changing your mind.” Welcome Ellie!
Thanks, PJ. So happy to be here today to share a message that I am very passionate about.
“I’m so stupid.”
“I’m such a loser.”
“No one would want me.”
“Bad stuff always happens to me….”
No, that’s NOT the message I’m passionate about, but do you know someone who talks like this? A friend? A sibling? Maybe…yourself? I sure do. I hear things like this all the time from lovely, smart, talented young ladies—and not so young, too. And it makes me so sad, because what we think, what we believe, shapes every aspect of our lives. We get what we ask for, even when we don’t realize we’re asking.
Maybe you’ve heard the sayings before: Thoughts become things. You are what you think. Like attracts like. And yeah, it can all sound a bit out there. But they’re true, every single one of them. THAT is the secret, why some people seem to have all the good luck, and others have all the bad luck. It’s not luck. It’s cause and effect.
Thoughts have power. They create feelings, and feelings create behavior. Behavior leads to outcomes. The girl who constantly thinks she’s stupid is, in effect, giving everyone else permission to treat her that way, as well. Conversely, the girl who thinks she deserves better won’t let anyone treat her like a doormat.
Think of it in terms of each of us being our personal cell tower, broadcasting our thoughts to the world around us. Those thoughts are received, processed, and acted upon. If you walk into a room feeling inferior, that’s what you project to others. They “receive” the inferior message (through your body language, your facial expression, your words, everything) and THAT is how they will begin to think of/treat you. If, however, you walk into a room smiling and confident, others will notice someone smiling and confident, and THAT is how they will begin to think of/treat you.
You see, once you have a clear picture of something in your mind (I am smart. I am worthy. I am beautiful.), there is an instant transformation within every cell of your body. You project. You create who you are.
Here are a few examples:
|
Self-Defeating Thought
|
Resulting Behavior
|
| I always lose |
I don’t try as hard |
| I’ll never be good enough |
I don’t go out for the team |
| I’ll never make an A |
Studying is a waste of time |
| I’m so ugly |
What is there to smile about? |
| I’m not good at anything |
I don’t do anything |
However, by taking those same negative thoughts and turning them to something positive, your feelings about yourself change, resulting in your behavior changing. And when you behavior changes, new outcomes begin to occur.
|
Self-Defeating Thought
|
Restructured Thought
|
Resulting Behavior
|
| I always lose |
I’m perfectly capable of winning. |
I try to win. |
| I’ll never be good enough |
I am good enough. |
I practice. |
| I’ll never make an A |
I’m going to ace the test |
I study. |
| I’m so ugly |
I am beautiful |
I smile. |
| I’m not good at anything |
I am talented |
I follow my dreams |
Do you think Michael Jordan went into any game of basketball saying, “I’ll never make the winning shot?” Do you think (pre scandal) Tiger Woods went into any golf tournament thinking “There’s no way I’ll win.”? Back then, no. However, after his life crumbled around him, I bet that’s EXACTLY what he now thinks. (And he’s not winning anymore, is he?)
Over the years, I’ve experienced my share of negative messages, both from myself as well as others. After college, I caught the guy I thought I was going to marry cheating on me. He promptly did that guy-thing where he turned it on me, saying that if I hadn’t been so horrible to him all the time, he wouldn’t have ended up with someone else, and that I needed to be careful, because if I broke up with him, I’d never find anyone who’d put up with me and my #%@ like he did. Whoa. I mean…whoa. Those were hard words. They hurt. And once I would have believed them. Internalized them. But that time some little voice inside me whispered…no. I wasn’t horrible, and I could find someone else. Someone who loved me, who didn’t hurt me. THAT was what I deserved. So, with those thoughts firmly implanted, I took an action I would never have taken before. I moved. To live with my sister. 500 miles away.
Two months later I met this awesome guy. Two years later I married him. Two kids later we are happier than ever. He’s never once called me horrible.
You see, your thoughts are everything. You have to keep them on what you want. You have to believe. You are your strongest advocate. You are in charge of your life. You are the creator.
Here’s how:
- Start with the end in mind. Identify what you want.
- Frame it in the positive, not the negative. (I AM smart, I AM a good friend, I DESERVE to be treated well, I’m CAPABLE of making good grades.)
- Write it down. Think about it. A lot.
- Let yourself imagine what it will feel like when you experience your vision for your life. What will being smart feel like? Being a good friend? Being treated well? Let yourself feel the happiness and joy, the sense of satisfaction.
- Then, physically move in that direction. Take baby steps at first, it doesn’t matter. Just move in the direction you want to go. That you deserve.
When you believe, when you take those first steps, the world around you responds, and you’re that much closer to who–or where–you want to be.
Mike Dooley, author of “Notes from the Universe” says it best:
What if it was true that you could make your own reality,
and that your thoughts become the things and events of your life?
What would you do different in the next five minutes?
The next five days? Five weeks?
The world is yours. You’re here to live, and to thrive.
Kind of a cool to think about, huh?
What about you? Do you have one self-defeating thought that keeps derailing your dreams? Bring it on and let’s figure out a way to turn it around for you!
About Ellie James
Most people who know Ellie think she’s your nice, ordinary wife and mom of two little kids. They see someone who does all that normal stuff, like grocery shopping, walking the dogs, going to baseball games, and somehow always forgetting to get the house cleaned and laundry done.
What they don’t know is that more often than not, this LSU J-School alum is somewhere far, far away, in an extraordinary world, deeply embroiled in solving a riddle or puzzle or crime, testing the limits of possibility, exploring the unexplained, and holding her breath while two people fall in love.
Regardless of which world Ellie’s in, she loves rain and wind and thunder and lightning; the first warm kiss of spring and the first cool whisper of fall; family, friends, and animals; dreams and happy endings; Lost and Fringe; Arcade Fire and Dave Matthews, and last but not least…warm gooey chocolate chip cookies.
You can follow Ellie on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Midnight-Dragonfly-Books-by-Ellie-James/154988421236309
About the Midnight Dragonfly Series
The first born daughter, of the first born daughter, of the first born daughter, sixteen year old psychic Trinity Monsour has a connection to the Other Side. She knows secrets and truths she shouldn’t, feels emotions that do not belong to her, and see events that have yet to happen. They come to her as glimpses, shadowy, disjointed snapshots that flicker through her dreams. Some terrify: a girl screaming, a knife lifting, a body in the grass. But others–the dark, tortured eyes and the shattering kiss, the promise of forever–whisper to her soul.
They come without warning. They come without detail.
But they always mean the same thing: The clock is ticking, and only Trinity can stop it.
Find out how in Broken Illusions, available from Griffin Teen May 8, 2012. http://midnightdragonflybooks.com/
It reminds me to do my part in keeping it all from being destroyed. That means picking up trash on the side of the road when I walk my dog, recycling my cans and bottles, and driving an economical car, just to name a few easy choices I can make every day. 
All I can do is do my small part, pray for our mother earth, and try to pass on the love I have of nature to the next generation in hopes they will teach their children one day. If we all do our part, maybe…just maybe…there will be a happy ending around that corner.
But if you’re interested in following his travels check it out here. 
